Friday, January 8, 2016

4 Weeks

I actually wrote this 3 weeks ago and forgot to post :( oops 
As I sit here tonight after my relatively calm day I ponder over the past 4 weeks. Today was my 28th week apt, all went well or as could be expected. I had another ultrasound to check a few things out and mostly to check if my placenta had moved, sadly it hasn’t and it’s pretty low. My wonderful Doctor said she loves to be optimistic about it but looking at it she doesn’t want to get my hopes up for the placenta moving where it should and disappoint me when it hasn’t. Baby looks good and healthy which is great considering I have been super stressed and didn’t eat or take care of myself while Reece was in the hospital.
Today marks 4 weeks since we found the “mass” that we later discovered was a tumor in Reece’s kidney. It’s hard to believe 4 weeks have passed or maybe I can’t believe it’s only been 4 week when it feels like much more.  Last night was rough for Reece, she was running a fever and we almost had to take her to the hospital. She didn’t sleep and was just miserable all night long. We both had a horrible night up and down with lots of tears. So today was a good day to take a nap but she started moaning and crying while sleeping. I woke her up to find out what was wrong and she said her tummy hurt. It’s been about 4 days since she has had a BM and I’m worried she has some trapped stool L as none exciting as that sounds it’s all in conjunction with her Chemo. So we have to keep her on Miralax daily, sadly she hasn’t had much of an appetite all week so not much food is going in but what food did go in has not come out L Chemo has made her very picky with food and the smells, so she doesn’t eat much which is not good as she has been losing weight, so yesterday we started on an appetite stimulant, just hope it help increase her to eat more.
I will be honest saying how much I HATE pumping her full of medications or toxins L , and the CRAPPY side effects that they cause,  but I have to push that aside and think what is best for her and just know that it’s going to help.
Cancer is like a “silent Killer”. You have it without even knowing and by the time you find it it’s already spread and then you have to kill every good cell in your body to kill the cancer cells that were left behind.  We were lucky to find this when we did, it’s a miracle that we caught it as early as we did considering it can get 3x the size it was. I believe in miracles and this was a true miracle as the cancer had already started spreading up towards the heart and lungs. If we didn’t have any symptoms it would have reached dangerous areas and the diagnosis would have been devastating. So as much as I HATE cancer and HATE this entire situation I am grateful for the simple miracle that happened 4 weeks ago.
Reece’s hair stated falling out Monday, it was something I thought I was prepared for but I was NOT. Today I asked her if she would like to cut her hair a little so that it wasn’t so long and getting in everything. She thought for a while and said yes. I’m just so amazed and proud of how well she is handling everything. I talked to her about things but in reality she is just too young to understand fully what she’s going through and I wish so badly that I could help her little mind comprehend this all. Most of the time she tells me “I don’t know how to explain it” it just breaks my heart wishing I could just help her.
Turner has been very overwhelmed by everything and he gets concerned when she is sick, throwing up, or has to go to the doctor. He too is just not old enough to understand and comprehend all that is going on. Today after her hair cut he says “Reece you look beautiful”. I wanted to cry it was so sweet, more than half of her beautiful hair is gone and it’s so thin and her sweet little brother though she looked beautiful!!  I feel he has been affected by everything in his own way, as much as a 4 year old can. I’m not a child psychologist but kids have emotions and I’m sure they feel stress in their own way. I try and make special time for him and when I’m gone a lot with Reece it affects him a lot. He is already been a mommas boy so he is very clinging and when I’m gone it just grows!
Today is December 15, 2015
Well Reece has officially lost all her hair, it’s just tiny patches or spikey hairs. She was so brave and didn’t even get sad or scared that it was gone. I am just amazed that she is handling things so well. Reece went to school all day on Monday, I was so happy about her going. I did stay for a couple hours and was able to finally break away. Today we tried to go again but she just wasn’t able to stay without me being there so we all went home. I’m trying hard to find a way for her to be comfortable staying and not scared. I noticed she is getting very anxious about a lot of things, and I completely understand. Her life has been turned upside down. I just hope and pray that we can find a way for her to feel okay and not scared about things that she loves doing.
Sunday my dear friend Natalie Crockett was planning to take family pictures for us and she woke up sick. She felt horrible and was inclined to find a replacement. I was okay with trying to reschedule but she insisted on getting them done. So after she posted a message on a city FB site within a matter of minutes she found someone. His name was Jake McCloud, never met him before until that afternoon. He met us at the AF amphitheater and took some amazing photos. He told us he would be able to drop a flash drive that evening with the photos. I was very grateful for his kindness and insisted that he didn’t need to rush on the photos so soon. Just after 6pm he sent a text message to Clinton saying it was a pleasure working with us today and he left the photos on our door step. What we found on the door was nothing we expected. There were TWO 16x20 framed pictures, 1 of just Reece and another print framed with our family, he also included a photo album with some of the pictures he took that afternoon!! It immediately brought me to tears. I was just in AW and shock that this complete stranger had not only given us a free photo shoot but he personally framed 2 pictures and printed others and placed in an album.  With all that has happened in the past 4 weeks we are just overwhelmed by so many kind and generous people. Some we know well and others we have never met. I am just more assured that the Lord hears and answers prayers, he sends angles to comfort and even complete strangers to bless lives so they may be blessed.  Jake was very touched by our story and he said it was a privilege doing this photo shoot and amazed at how happy we all were considering the circumstances.
This week is the 4th chemo treatment which means it’s going to be crappy L with Chemo she gets 3 different drugs, the first week she gets 2 and then weeks 2 and 3 she gets just 1. So on the days she gets the 2 drugs it takes a lot out of her and makes her super sick. I am grateful for the past 2 weeks that have been relatively good for her. She is nervous about going to chemo because she knows what happens. The worst part is accessing her port, which I’m hoping will only get better. So in her mind that is the only thing she thinks about and yes it’s scary but the nursing staff are very kind and loving. We also work with a great child life specialist who is with Reece at every apt to help in any way she can.

No comments: